Dear Roger...

Dear Roger,
Not all your clients have heard that you are no longer here.  They keep calling to offer you marketing projects.  What should I tell them?

Your work is appreciated.  Look at the nice tribute the Montana Cancer Institute has given you.

I still cry.  Not all the time.  But at the most unexpected and inopportune moments. I miss you a lot.

Love,
Candi

What's Next?

One week.  Two weeks.  Three weeks.  A month.  If I've survived this long, does that mean I'll survive the long haul? 

My life is suddenly so very different.   I went from being on duty as caretaker and jack-of-all-trades 24 hours a day, seven days a week, to having no one to care for but myself.  Well - and Sophie, of course.  Those who are left behind must transition too.

I wonder if there is such a thing as post-leukemia PTSD?  If there is, I've got it. 

What happens after the worst has happened?  I don't miss the damnable disease, the distress or the anxiety.  I don't mind being alone.  I just miss Roger.

Sophie Mopes

Sophie has taken up residence in Roger's chair in the kitchen.

 

 

Sophie is used to being walked 5 times a day.  I'm not kidding.  By her rules, one of those walks each day should take about an hour and go through Greenough Park or along the Clark Fork River trail.  You can see why she mopes and misses Roger.  I walk her as much as I can, but I cannot accommodate her to that extent.  It's the first-thing-in-the-morning and last-thing-at-night walks that I'm finding most  difficult now.  I have only been sleeping every other night, so some nights it's hard to stay awake for Sophie's last walk.  Some days it's hard to get up early for her first walk.  (I have made a doctor appointment next week to see what can be done about this sleep situation.)

 

Soon I'll go back to work.  Sophie will go to day care at Ready, Pet, Go 3 days a week.  Romping with other dogs will help her burn off some of her anxiety.  It's fun for her and less worry for me.  Eventually Sophie's first-thing-in-the-morning and last-thing-at-night walks will help me solidify a routine for myself so that I can sleep better.

 

Things are a little rough right now, but Sophie and I are working it out.