How to Have a Bone Marrow Transplant in Ten Easy Steps

While Roger goes through the regimen, Candi blogs

Here’s an explanation of the bone marrow transplant procedure for the uninitiated. Don’t try this at home.

1. Begin with a preparative regimen of chemo treatments to destroy the leukemia cells in your body and make room in your bone marrow for new, healthy stem cells. It will cause your hair to fall out, but that’s okay because you won’t be going out anyway.  
2. You may rest a day or two before the day of transplant. ‘Rest’ is actually a misnomer since, apparently, every person employed by the hospital and perhaps by the state of Utah, is required to come into your room several times a day at a minimum.
3. Your own bone marrow will have ceased production and your own blood cells will degenerate by this point, causing you to feel rather lackluster.  This step involves a significant amount of waiting.  Entertainment is provided by the parade of hospital staff marching through your room at every hour of the night and day.
4. On the day of transplant, healthy blood stem cells will be infused into your body much like a blood transfusion. Surprisingly, the transplant itself will occur as if it is no big deal.
5. Once in your body, the stem cells will migrate into your bones where, over the next few weeks, they will set up colonies and begin producing new blood cells. This sounds as if you don’t have to do a thing but sit there and wait for it to happen.  In fact, you will be so busy with sitting up, showering, dressing, eating, and entertaining a seemingly endless parade of hospital staff that you’ll feel exhausted.
6. During the first weeks following your transplant, your medical team will monitor you closely for complications such as infections, excessive bleeding, and graft-versus-host-disease.  Nasty buggers, all.  But most are temporary and can usually be controlled.
7. You’ll be given blood transfusions to supplement your declining blood counts as necessary.  You'll be given drugs to control complications of the transplant, drugs to counteract the side effects of the transfusions and drugs to counteract the side effects of the drugs. 
8. This step includes more waiting in the hospital.  You may amuse yourself by avoiding germs and trying to eat enough to satisfy your nurses. 
9. You’ll find that your bone marrow and blood type is now identical to your donor’s.  You will celebrate by having your childhood immunizations over again.
10. When you are released from the hospital you will make daily trips to the outpatient Bone Marrow Clinic. Over time, these will become weekly, then monthly visits.  Gradually, resume life.