Carrying On

Roger and I were watching an old movie the other day and chuckling about the British stiff upper lip.  They are not a people who gush.  But you have to give the Brits their due - they did manage to keep going during WWII, even while under siege.  I think that's what we're trying to do here in the Merrill household.  A blitzkrieg in the form of leukemia strikes, and we huddle in a shelter until we get a temporary break in the action.  Then we assess the damage, make adjustments, and go on with our lives until the next bomb drops.  That's not to say there isn't some fear and sadness; there certainly is.  We don't know what the outcome of this latest battle will be.  But one thing is sure: life continues even in war and we intend to -- and need to -- enjoy it as best we can.

We had a peaceful and lovely Thanksgiving and spent the day after decorating for Christmas.  Roger, looking very pale, gave direction from the sofa while our good friend Terri and I decorated two trees.  Today Roger is at the hospital (because it's the weekend and the cancer center is closed) getting two units of red blood cells and a unit of platelets.  I wait at home, walk the dog, run errands, and do some more decorating.  I decorate like there's no tomorrow.

You Must Be At Least This Tall To Ride The Emotional Roller Coaster

Boy, Howdy.  What a week!  The title of this week's blog says it all.  I like this amusement park sign, but I'm not sure it would ever be possible to enjoy this ride, no matter how tall a person was.  You'll forgive me if I seem a little loopy and/or my perverse sense of humor emerges today. 

When we reported last, Roger had just been diagnosed with relapsed AML Leukemia.  The good news is that it is the same leukemia and not a new type, which would have been really bad.  The same old leukemia is bad enough, thank you.

They didn't waste a single day.  He was whisked in to surgery the day he was diagnosed, had a port put into his chest and started chemo as soon as the port site had healed enough to be accessed - two days later.  For the next 2-3 days he hobbled around the house in pain, clutching the furniture to support himself.  Dr. Nichols told us "you have to expect bone pain with leukemia"  like we should have known that after all these years.  We didn't know and we weren't expecting it; it had never happened before.  That kind of pain produces anxiety for the person that's suffering as well as everyone around him.  Those few days seemed endless.  But now the good news:  The chemo started working right away -- faster than any chemo Roger has had before.  When the growth of leukemia cells stopped, the pain went away.

It is a drag to have to attend to cancer on the weekends. Shouldn't he get weekends off?  Because the cancer center is closed, Roger has to go to the hospital today.  Hospital staff are not as familiar and comfortable with cancer treatment, and try though they might, they always take too long, fumble too much and sometimes forget things.  It hardly inspires confidence.  But Roger is going there this afternoon to have his chemo pump unhooked.  He's done with the first round.  Hopefully this will be a quick and efficient visit.

Now Roger gets to have a week or so off treatment to recover.  His white blood cell counts are almost non-existent so he can't go to the movies or the grocery store.  He has no immune system, and it is cold and flu season, so we have to be careful.  We are grateful that the learning curve is not so steep this time; we know how to do this.

But, hey!  The first week of treatment is over.  We're up.  We're down.  We're down.  We're UP!  It's a wild ride.

November News

It has been a wonderful year for us.  The combination of chemo and an additional infusion of donor T-cells a year ago did what it was supposed to do.  The juxtaposition of adversity and joy in our life has taught us how to seek - and find - joy.

Roger and I had a lot of fun together this year.



Roger goofing around

We were healthy and active.

We spent time with dear friends and family in Montana,

in Vancouver and Seattle,

at The Garden of 1000 Buddhas

and in Glacier National Park.

And we spent quality time alone at Chico Hot Springs,

in Yellowstone,

Roger, goofing around again.

and in our lovely home.

We haven't had a thing to complain about.

Yesterday, we found out our unwelcome visitor, leukemia, has come back.  Here we go again.  It was a long day at both Missoula cancer centers and at Community Hospital in Missoula.  Roger had a port installed in his chest for easier access for giving chemo and blood transfusions and to draw blood for daily testing.

The plan is to do the same as we did a year ago:  First, chemo to knock the leukemia back into remission, and then another infusion of donor T-cells to keep it at bay.  We hope this time the effect lasts longer than a year.  We know we are only buying time.  This leukemia will always come back.  The question is, how much time can we buy?  We hope a lot.

We love you all and so appreciate your support.  Now that we are back on the medical treadmill, you'll want to know how things are going.  We'll go back to posting regularly on the Bone Marrow Boogie to keep you informed.  And we'll go back to giving Roger the best care ever.

Chemo starts on Monday.  Wish us luck.