We're both worn out tonight. The surgery on that swollen lymph node in Roger's neck came off like clockwork today. Even though we were not too anxious about it, it's amazing how tired we both are now that it's over. Perhaps we were feeling a little more stress that we were willing to admit. Boy, is it great to be in and out of the hospital in a single day! Our ambition this evening stretches only far enough to make scrambled eggs for dinner and a have good sit-down on the sofa. We will have to wait for lab results to come in next week to confirm this sense of relief, but the surgeon's first impression says all is well and we're riding that wave.
I sat in an uncomfortable chair in a crowded waiting room for a good portion of the day. I was not ready to be back in a hospital environment so soon. In an effort to block out unpleasant sights, sounds and smells, I picked up the latest issue of Vanity Fair magazine and flipped through it. Rather than juicy bits of celebrity gossip though, I found the results of a "60 Minutes" survey that posed the question "If it were possible to selectively erase the most unpleasant memory of your life, would you do it?" 86% of those surveyed responded "no."
It's not science fiction any more. Recent developments in neuroscience might soon make it possible to isolate the offending neurons that keep replaying unhappy memories and retrain them. Our most painful memories could simply fade away. And yet, 86% of survey respondents said they wouldn't do it. What if it were possible to not erase the unpleasant memory altogether, but just turn down the volume a bit?
Our memories -- all of them -- make us who we are. How could I explain my quirky self without intact memories? I understand that some people have memories painful enough to be utterly debilitating and in those cases, it makes some sense. For me, even with the fear and grief of the last six months, I think I would choose to keep my memories and have an understanding of the source of my strengths and weaknesses. It's interesting to think about though. What would you choose?
--Candi
It isn't the good times in life that make us what we are. Character and resilience can be built on uncertainty and grief. Yet it is so easy to detour off into depression and self-pity, which neither of you have done through this long journey. I think that's why your story is so inspirational to those of us facing more trivial problems. Everything happens for a reason. Forgetting the bad times would be like losing part of ourselves.
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