I spent a long time this afternoon writing about things that cause me anxiety. In the end, it was too grim to post and I threw it out. Now that I’ve got it out of my system (mostly), let’s just say we are not always the positive, strong, inspirational people we’d like to be. Panic is dangerous water. Today, I fell in and went right to the bottom.
Tomorrow will be another day. We will learn to cope with problems we fear today.
- What will the bone marrow biopsy at the 100 Day milestone show?
- When we return to Missoula, how will I be able to work full-time and continue to take care of Roger?
- What if I get sick?
- How will we be able to pay our bills?
- How will we be able to manage this deluge of paperwork?
- How do I control the urge to panic that washes over me every day?
I have been thinking about your post and wondering how to express my message back to you. Here is what I think about fears: Acknowledging them is usually all they need to stay in their rightful place. Fears are going to be your companion on this journey, whether you like it our not. I think that the source of all inspiration is in this world is taking an inventory of the fears in your life, feeling them pull you under for awhile and then consciously choosing to let them go so you can float back up. Most people don't know that they can let go. We all need a reminder once in a while that we can do that. It is important to bring a grounded awareness of both the pitfalls and the amazing opportunities that this change in your life has afforded you and Roger. It requires emotional sobriety--an Acceptance to see the things that cannot be changed, Courage
ReplyDeleteto change the things which should be changed,
And the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
I think you are swimming and are doing a damn good job of it!
There are all kinds of levels and forms to swimming. Sometimes we're floating, dog-paddling, treading water and occassionally running at it with a deep breast stroke. You're doing wonderfully, Candi.
ReplyDeleteIt's days like this when you need Sophie the most. Stay strong and positive and think about that day you will all be reunited and back together again in Missoula.
ReplyDelete