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| Elizabeth Edwards, 1949 - 2010 |
Her response struck a chord in me, though I'll have to summarize. In essence, she said, when a bad thing happens, whether it is a catastrophic weather event, a divorce, a car accident, or an illness, it changes your life completely. It erases everything you had planned to do. It wipes out the way you had intended to live your life and it replaces your options with less attractive ones.
You can make the choice to hold on to your past, which renders you impotent because you can not change it, or you can live in the present and have some measure of control.
We all have to spend some time hanging on to what we held dear, that's the nature of grief, but don't allow yourself to stay there for too long. The sooner you can step into your new reality, and the sooner you can begin to make decisions and take action, the more effective you will be.
Coping doesn't come naturally to some people and not to others. It's a skill that can be learned.
Our lives were turned upside down six years ago when Roger was first diagnosed with leukemia and again six months ago when we found out he was no longer in remission. The best advice I can give after this experience is to echo Elizabeth Edwards words and add this thought of my own: Don't wait until tragedy strikes to learn how to become the decision maker in your own life. Start training now. Rather than living your life reacting to events, take charge and take the actions that will get you the best outcomes possible, whatever your circumstances. Create your own life as you go. It's good practice.
--Candi
All very good advice, Candi. It sounds so simple. I know I've tried to do this in my own life and find it easier in some areas than others. You & Roger are great examples and inspirations!
ReplyDeleteWow. And here I thought we all were supposed to be helping Candi and Roger and in this single post I find them helping ME. Without going into all the details, you have no idea how timely the words by Elizabeth Edwards are for my own life right now. Many thanks.
ReplyDeleteShe was a beautiful and wise person. Thanks for reminding us. We've all said it before, but your experience facing cancer has helped us in different ways. In the past 5 months I've personally learned how easy it is to step from grief to self-pity.
ReplyDeleteHi Candi and Roger -- your post prompts me to send you a link to Personal Safety Nets. My friend co-wrote/founded it 5 years ago and it is about working now to build the connections you'll need someday when a disaster makes its appearance. Sometimes it is just the awareness that "this is a person I could really count on" or get advice from or... that causes you to invite them into your life.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.personalsafetynets.com/
Thanks for these posts, Candi. I feel privileged to read and learn from them. There are lots of folks here in Missoula thinking about you and Roger.
ReplyDeleteKelly Webster
Wow! That was so profound. Thank you for sharing that. It really makes you stop and think about your life and what is really important.
ReplyDeleteWe love you both so very much!